Primal Read online

  At least there were some French fries waiting as my consolation prize.

  FOUR

  I’d had bad dreams every night since I was injected with Nightshade. This was the first time I had one about Declan.

  It started off well enough.

  We were having dinner, and it wasn’t salty, greasy fast food scarfed down in a cheap motel room. We were at a restaurant—one of my favorites, a little Italian place that was just around the corner from my apartment in San Diego.

  He placed his hand on top of mine, and I looked up at his face.

  It was Declan, but it wasn’t the Declan I’d come to know. The black eye patch was gone, and he had two beautiful green eyes instead of one gray one, which was a trait of a dhampyr or vampire. He didn’t have any scars marring his handsome features. His hair was a bit longer than the short-cropped cut I was used to. And he had an easy grin on his face that was as unfamiliar as the dark blue suit he wore.

  “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” he said.

  “Feels a bit like it.” But I wasn’t as shocked as I could have been at his appearance. It felt right, as though I was accustomed to seeing him like this. “You look really good.”

  “Better than normal?”

  “Well . . . different. What happened?”

  “Nothing happened. That’s just the thing. I’m not a dhampyr. I’m not a hunter. I don’t get a scar every time I get cut or shot. I didn’t lose my eye because I never fought with the vampire who clawed it out with his fingernails.” He raised an eyebrow. “What do you think of that?”

  “I’m speechless, that’s what I think. You look—”

  “Like I could be part of your real life.”

  “Actually, you do.” I smiled and entwined my fingers with his. “No more vampires. No more running for our lives. We can be together. It’s perfect.”

  His expression shadowed. “It’s not perfect.”

  “What?”

  “Your blood . . .” His brows drew together.

  I felt something warm on my face and swiped my hand under my nose. I was bleeding, dark red blood that looked almost black. My heart sank at the sight of it. “I’m the one who doesn’t fit in now, aren’t I?”

  “I wish I could help you.” His gaze moved to the right and his expression tensed. “Maybe he can.”

  I turned my head to look. The sun was bright outside, and there was a man standing in the doorway staring at me so intently I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed him yet. It was Declan—the scarred version. One eye. Ragged from ten years of hunting vampires. Wearing a black leather jacket that had seen better days.

  He wasn’t smiling.

  “Jill . . .” he said.

  I immediately rose from the table and went toward him, but it felt as if the air had thickened, making it difficult to move. Panic snaked through me.

  Declan jerked forward a step as if he’d been hit from behind. He gasped for breath, then clamped his scarred hand against his stomach and looked down at it. Bright red blood gushed through his fingers. When he looked up at me, I noticed his throat was now slit as well. Blood pumped out of him with every beat of his slowing heart.

  I couldn’t breathe. I tried desperately to fight through whatever this was that was holding me back.

  “Declan!” I woke up screaming and clutching at the solid form in front of me.

  “I’m here,” Declan soothed, stroking my hair. “It was just a nightmare. It’s okay, Jill. You’re okay.”

  I pulled back from him and searched his face, my eyes wide. He was here. He was alive. “I thought that I . . . I thought that you—that you were—”

  “Whatever it was, it wasn’t real.” He held my face between his hands and wiped my tears away. “I know all of this has been a struggle for you, but it’s almost over. Try to be strong for just a little while longer. Can you do that?”

  I nodded soundlessly.

  “Jill . . .” Declan began after a few silent moments went by. He was frowning.

  “What?”

  “That experiment last night . . .”

  I eyed him. “What about it?”

  “Do you regret it? Do you wish we hadn’t even tried?”

  I hesitated. “You really want to know how I felt about it?”

  “Yes.”

  “It was amazing, but . . .”

  His brow furrowed. “But what?”

  I looked directly in his gray eye and pressed my hands against his warm chest. “But I’ve been thinking about it. And as good as it was . . . I—I don’t want you to touch me or kiss me like that again unless you really, really mean it and feel something in return. Understand?”

  He held my gaze before nodding firmly. “I understand.”

  There was a ringing sound. Declan fished into his pocket for his cell phone and held it to his ear. “Yeah?”

  He didn’t take his attention off me for a moment. He stayed seated at the edge of the bed.

  “Got it,” he said, then ended the call, his jaw tightening. “That was fast. Reynolds is ready to see you again.”

  “The doctor is in,” I said, my voice shaky.

  “You ready?”

  The dream troubled me. What did it mean? That I wanted Declan, but only if he was perfect and normal? But if he was normal, that meant I wasn’t. The only thing I knew for sure was that when I saw the real Declan injured, dying, all I wanted was to get to him. To help him. To comfort him. But I couldn’t.

  And then it was too late.

  I guess I didn’t need to hunt too far to find the symbolism there.

  I nodded firmly. “I’m ready.”

  WE RETURNED TO the warehouse. I got the same strange feeling I’d had yesterday as we entered the main doors, unguarded apart from the security camera.

  “What’s wrong?” Declan asked.

  “This place . . .” I shook my head. “It freaks me out knowing there are vampires downstairs that Dr. Reynolds is using as test subjects.”

  “This is how it’s done, Jill. If you want to test ways to exterminate vampires, you need vampires to exterminate.”

  “So this is nothing new.”

  “No. And this isn’t the only facility like this in the country—both government and privately funded. The vampires used in programs like this are the most messed up, the ones that can’t keep their fangs out of humans. They’re brought here instead of ending up on the wrong side of a stake.”

  I hesitated and looked at Declan. “You’ll stay with me?”

  “If you want me to,” he said, holding my gaze.

  I nodded, though my throat felt thick. He’d stay with me until all of this was over. Through the pain. Through the drama. When everything was pain free and drama free, he’d be gone. I guess I’d just take things an hour at a time. Hell, a minute at a time might be a better idea.

  Jackson was waiting for us at the elevator. “Dr. Reynolds wants me to take care of a little matter downstairs. But first I’m supposed to take you down to his examining room so you can . . . do what you have to do.”

  His gaze flicked to Declan.

  “Problem?” Declan asked as we got into the elevator and Jackson punched in the code.

  “No. Nothing. Just business.” He turned his attention to the digital floor numbers above the doors that showed our descent.

  He seemed grumpy today, not that I was an expert on the varying moods of Jackson Gale, vampire hunter. Maybe he was pissed about my rejection yesterday. I doubted it. I didn’t get the impression he was actually serious about me in a romantic way. He just wanted to get laid by a woman he perceived as horny enough to say yes. I wasn’t quite there yet.

  I thought about what had happened between me and Declan last night. While it had been rather . . . satisfying . . . it was also entirely unsatisfying, which is why I said what I had to him. Sex wasn’t just the means to an orgasm for me—although it was a lovely gift with purchase. I needed to have the emotion to back it up. When I looked at Declan’s face, I wanted to se
e the same desire that I felt reflected there—the same desire I had seen on his face in the past. Otherwise the one-sided sex experiment was fun and more than enough to get me off, but ultimately hollow.

  Soon it might not be an issue at all. With me cured, my blood cleansed, and no reason to stay with Declan any longer, I figured it would be unlikely that I’d see him again. I’d go back to my regular life—my succession of unfulfilling jobs, socializing with friends and coworkers, visits with my sister and my nieces, random dating of entirely normal men, ones a lot like the unscarred, non-dhampyr version of Declan in my dream—and that would be that.

  It would be strange to know he wasn’t close by, watching over me. The thought made me feel something I could only describe as grief. Grief for a man who’d come into my life unexpectedly and disappeared just as quickly as he’d arrived.

  I stayed close to Declan, nearly, but not quite, touching him. He was motivated by wanting to help me get better. So was I. I think I might have followed someone into the very depths of hell in order to get my blood cleaned out. The thought of the pain that was to come was an issue for me, but not enough to stop me from moving forward.

  We got off the elevator and went down the hallway to Dr. Reynolds’s examining room where we’d been yesterday. Other than the sparse furnishings of the stainless steel table and metal chair, there were cupboards on the walls, a sink, and a filing cabinet.

  Jackson spoke briefly with Dr. Reynolds at the doorway, then nodded at us and took off down the hall.

  “Come in,” Dr. Reynolds said. He reserved his smile for me, an expression that froze at the edges when it became obvious that Declan was staying at my side. “My assistant’s joining us in just a moment.” His gaze moved toward the open door. “Here he comes now. Please, don’t be alarmed.”

  I didn’t have to wonder about what he meant by that for long. Another man entered the room—he had dark red hair and was wearing a white lab coat. His skin was very pale, his cheeks gaunt.

  Declan tensed and pulled me back by the edge of my shirt so abruptly I let out a small shriek of surprise. He grabbed for his stake.

  My stomach lurched and every muscle in my body stiffened the moment I saw the assistant’s fangs.

  He was a vampire.

  He smiled uneasily, his gray eyes moving to Declan’s sharp silver stake. “I guess Dr. Reynolds didn’t mention me yet?”

  Declan moved himself in front of me. “No. He sure the hell didn’t.”

  “Please relax. I mean you no harm.”

  “Wish I could say the same,” Declan growled.

  Dr. Reynolds’s face looked tight. “Lawrence is my assistant. I’m so accustomed to having him around that I sometimes neglect to let others know beforehand what he is. It’s not an issue for me.”

  “What the hell is going on?” I demanded. This unexpected revelation had choked me and I struggled to breathe normally. It was one thing to think there were vampires downstairs, safely locked away. It was an entirely different thing to have one in the same room, wearing a lab coat just like Dr. Reynolds. A little warning would have been nice. A little warning and I wouldn’t have shown up in the first place. “If he gets close enough to get a whiff of the Nightshade—”

  “He won’t.” Dr. Reynolds moved to stand next to the redheaded vampire, protecting him in a near mirror image to what Declan was doing for me.

  “I already know about you,” Lawrence said. “And I’ll be staying well back just in case.”

  I glared at them. “Nice that one of us had some warning.”

  Dr. Reynolds spread his hands. “Lawrence has been my research assistant for five years. He was turned against his will a year ago but retained his good sense and human morals, enough for me to trust him to stay on as my assistant. He believes as I do that most vampires are a threat that needs to be eliminated.”

  Lawrence stepped out from behind Dr. Reynolds, keeping a wary eye on Declan, who hadn’t budged or said a word, but I could feel the menace coming off him in waves. He wasn’t happy about this little unexpected turn of events. That made two of us.

  “Many vampires keep their human personalities,” Lawrence said evenly. “I’m one of them. I value my job here. Victor and I have a great deal in common.”

  I wasn’t letting down my guard yet. “Like what?”

  His expression shadowed, and I could see pain there. “He knows what it’s like to lose a wife.”

  I shivered at his bleak tone. “What do you mean?”

  His throat worked as he swallowed. “Susan accepted me after I was turned. But—she disappeared without a trace six months ago. I’ve been searching for her, desperate to find her.”

  “We think she was taken by another vampire,” Dr. Reynolds said. “But I don’t think anyone should give up hope yet.”

  Lawrence took a shaky breath and nodded. “I’m trying.”

  “I know.”

  “We should have been told about this up front.” Declan’s voice didn’t hold a whole lot of empathy. He held on to me so tight I thought my arm might bruise—sometimes Declan didn’t know his own dhampyr strength. But I didn’t try to pull away. “You having a vampire assistant, no matter what the story is behind it, doesn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy about being here. It’s fucked up.”

  “If I had told you, you might not have returned.” Dr. Reynolds adjusted his glasses. The stiffness in his expression made me think he was having trouble speaking cordially to Declan. With his prejudices against dhampyrs, the two would never become best friends. “You might think I had ulterior motives in bringing you here, but you’re not the only ones who were kept in the dark.”

  I watched him warily. “What are you talking about?”

  “You, Jillian.” Dr. Reynolds turned to look at me directly, his gaze sweeping over me from head to foot. “When I heard about the Nightshade formula, I had assumed it was a slow-moving poison that would weaken its victim over time, something that would lead eventually to death. But it’s not like that at all, is it?”

  I let out a shaky laugh. “No, it’s a bit more immediate than that.”

  “It’s amazing, is what it is.”

  I grimaced. “I have other words to describe it. Amazing isn’t one of them.”

  “When a vampire bites you, only seconds need to pass before it dies.”

  “Pretty much. But it’s still enough time for them to kill me if they want to.”

  His jaw tightened. “It’s such a waste.”

  “Why?”

  “I can’t re-create it.” His expression reflected his deep disappointment. “The original composition has changed too much since bonding with your blood. However, I discovered something I’d like to show you.” He nodded at Lawrence. “Go get him.”

  Lawrence left the room without a word.

  Declan finally tucked his stake away and let go of my arm. “We didn’t come here for any more fucking experiments. We came here because we thought you had a solution for us. Do you or don’t you?”

  “Patience,” Dr. Reynolds snapped, casting a fiery glare at him. But then he cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “I apologize for my rudeness. But as a hunter, you, I think, will appreciate how important this discovery is. Will you just give me a couple minutes to show you what I’ve found?”

  Declan was silent for a moment but then nodded. “A couple minutes. That’s it.”

  “Thank you.”

  Lawrence returned with another man whose gray eyes were glazed. With a push, he stumbled forward into the room.

  “Sit,” Dr. Reynolds said, and the man sat down heavily in the chair without being asked again.

  Uneasiness moved through me. “What’s wrong with him?”

  Dr. Reynolds went over to the chair and walked a slow circle around it. “He’s been chemically subdued so he won’t cause us any problems.”

  A breath caught in my chest. “He’s a vampire?”

  “Yes.” The doctor grasped the vampire’s chin in his hands and squeez
ed. “Last week he killed a family whose car had broken down at the side of the road. Three children and two adults died to feed his hungers.”

  “I needed to feed.” The vampire’s voice was weak. “I couldn’t stop myself.”

  “You’re a murderer who killed five innocent humans. You’ll get no sympathy from me.” Dr. Reynolds let him go, and the vampire’s chin dropped to his chest. The doctor wiped his hand on the front of his lab coat.

  My stomach churned at the thought of it. At the moment he didn’t look that dangerous. “You have him on drugs?”

  “Yes. We have very powerful tranquilizers on hand here, but they still don’t last long when it comes to monsters like this.”

  I eyed the other vampire in the room, the helpful one. If he didn’t show his fangs, he looked as human as anyone else, apart from his pale gray eyes. He stayed on the other side of the room, a good twelve feet away from me. Most vampires didn’t have a problem with the scent of the Nightshade as long as they kept their distance. I’d really rather not have any more problems today.

  I crossed my arms tightly over my chest. “Look, I’m not letting him bite me, if that’s what you want me to do.”

  “I don’t want that.”

  “Then what sort of experiment is this?”

  “It’s to show you how your blood can be used when it’s outside of your body.”

  I shook my head. “I suggested that to someone else, but if it hits oxygen, it’s useless as a poison. Something about the air keeps it from working properly.”

  “Then it shouldn’t come in contact with oxygen.” Dr. Reynolds opened a case on the table to our left and removed what looked like a gun. It was small and silver, with a short, thick needle protruding from the end of it. “Inside this is a vial of your blood.” He held the device in his right hand, just as he might a gun. He approached the vampire.

  I tensed. “What are you going to—”

  I didn’t have the chance to finish my sentence. Dr. Reynolds pressed the device to the vampire’s throat, jabbing the needle into his flesh, and squeezed the trigger.

  FIVE

  The vampire gasped as he was injected. He looked around as if seeing us for the first time.

  “What did you—” He drew in a shaky breath, and his face began to show strain. “Please, no—I need to—”

  His words broke off, followed by a chilling moment of silence. Then he screamed, raising himself up off the chair. Before he could get fully to his feet, fire poured out of his mouth and quickly consumed his entire body. A moment later, just after the stench of burnt flesh filled my nostrils, he exploded in a scattering of fiery ash. It was the usual death of a vampire—one I’d seen several times before this. Quick. Efficient. Scary as hell.

  I stood frozen in place, my hand against my mouth, my eyes wide with shock. I’d known what was coming, but that hadn’t made it any easier to see. It was exactly the same as what happened when a vampire bit me. It was my poisonous blood—the take-out version.

  “Holy shit,” I managed to say.

  Dr. Reynolds smiled widely. “It’s amazing. This is the third vampire we’ve tried it on.”

  Lawrence nodded. Considering he, too, was a vampire, I was surprised he didn’t look more disturbed. “It’s worked perfectly every time.”

  Declan stood stoically beside me as he watched the proceedings. “The Nightshade formula alone was useless. It had to be bonded to a human’s blood to work.”

  Dr. Reynolds’s smile faded as if he’d forgotten the dhampyr was still in the room. “That’s right.”

  “Then it’s too bad you can’t replicate it and find another volunteer to take Jill’s place.”

  The doctor looked down at the silver gun. “That would make everything much simpler. The source is Jill’s blood itself—and any new blood her body creates is immediately infused with the poison. Jill’s blood is the beginning and the end of the Nightshade program.”

  This was one situation where it wasn’t that great to be popular. It was too bad that the very thing that was killing me could be a huge help to others. Talk about a lose-lose situation.

  A million possibilities sped through my mind. “Why don’t we take a couple of days and you take all the blood samples you can from me before we start getting the Nightshade out of my system?”

  Dr. Reynolds’s expression held relief. “I’m glad you’re willing to help.”

  I leaned against the examining table. “Of course I’m willing to help. This isn’t my world, this isn’t anything I want to be a part of for longer than I have to be, but I’m not naïve. I know that my blood can kill vampires and that this is a very good thing. If the Nightshade wasn’t also killing me, I’d be all for making regular donations.”